Sunday, April 30, 2006

Musical Commentary of Sorts

Something has really been bothering me lately as I do my Internet surfing with the TV on in the background. I really don't watch it, but my mom usually has it on Fuse, a competitor of MTV that I think started in Canada. This initially made me hate Fuse (the Canadian factor), but my hate for MTV is far more serious than my feelings towards canucks.

Anyways, what has been bothering me is this band who unwisely chose to call themselves Death Cab for Cutie. Every time I see this video, I want to hurl. It's pretty much a Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" meets Smashing Pumpkin's "Tonight, Tonight" video (although the song isn't as good as either of those) with a lead singer showcasing his made-for-radio mug in every frame. Besides the fact that the video makes me feel like I might seize, I am angry that this guy thinks he's cool and good-looking enough to brand the video with his stupid face...

I feel like he's advertising his fugliness and this offends me. Don't get me wrong, there are so many fugly rocks stars who aren't douche bags and are actually effing awesome... Iggy Pop, Alice Cooper, Kid Rock (fugly, not awesome), Joey Ramone, The Strokes (sans Fabrizio Moretti), KISS... you get the idea. These guys are fugly, but they have that rock star appeal that makes them "attractive" and cool. Joey Ramone didn't force his face on you; he grew his hair long in a timeless rockin' mess of locks that pretty much always covered his face.

But this guy from DCFC just kills me. He needs to take a hint from Jack White of the famed White Stripes and The Raconteurs and get some greasy hair in his face, opt for the wide shot, and stand in the shadows of the background of band stills. How 'bout Serj Tankian of System of a Down? He plays on his fugliness like a Frank Zappa clone on acid... scare the kids! Do something, just don't pretend that you're pretty when you're not.

My next comment has to do with a hip-hop "band" called Dem Franchize Boyz. The first thing that upsets me is the ebonically-inspired name of the so-called band. All I can say is, "Why?" and "Did you ever learn to read?" I don't need to discuss rap stars' fugliness, because it is a non-issue. I mean 50 Cent can't close his mouth, The Game needs a new eye, and Jermaine Dupri might as well be Gary Coleman's twin. It doesn't matter. There are three good looking rap stars: LL Cool J, Tupac, and Pharrell. One of them is allegedly deceased and the other two are not nearly as popular as Notorious B.I.G. and his lazy eye were.

So "Dem" "Franchize" "Boyz" have a hit song titled "Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It". I saw the video for the first time today and was surprised to see "Dem Boyz" promoting a new "dance" that is strikingly similar to Elaine's dance on Seinfeld. So next time you're "up in da club" you can thrust your body from one side to another without fear of rejection or ridicule from your peers; Dem Franchize Boyz said it's ok.

So here are the lessons I want you to take away from this blog:

Death Cab for Cutie sucks, it's ok to be fugly (but not if you're going to get all fugly in my face), and it is always acceptable and appropriate to dance like a fool to rap music. Did I forget anything?


Amanda said...

I can't stop laughing thinking about how we were going to have a joint wedding with 50 cent and The Game. I agree about Tupac and Pharrell. But on the ugly factor I think you can't forget all of the Rolling Stones of late. And I also don't think the guys from Fallout Boy are cute even though that one showed his penis on the internet.

Sarah said...

You know, I considered the Stones, but they really weren't that bad in their younger years. They've just become leathery in their old age. And if you subscribe to my dad's school of thought, you believe Keith Richards has been dead for about 20 years, but a secret regimen of drugs and who knows what else has kept him "alive".

And what does "Rolling Stones of late" even mean? A cryptic reference to Brian Jones?

Amanda said...

I meant the Rolling Stones lately haven't been looking so hot. I agree in their younger days they were quite attractive. There is also something about being labeled "rock star" that works to their advantage in the hotness factor. I also don't think that Billy Corigan (I don't know if that's spelled right and I'm too lazy to look up the correct spelling of his name) from Smashing Pumpkins was ugly. I think he had a weird shaped head.

Sack said...

Janis Joplin is one of the fugliest rock stars of all time. She is almost a female version of Joey Ramone. Actually, if rock stars were robots, The Ramones (as a whole) would be like the Voltron of fuglitude.

Sarah said...

Billy Corgan just had snaggleteeth (in addition to his misshaped head)... which equals fugliness.

I think the lead singer of Fallout Boy is pretty hot. He has an awesome faux-mullet.

Nice call on the Voltron, Jeff. Only a fellow robot could make such a poignant observation. ;o)

mwheels said...

Watch out you younguns'. The Stones will always be the best and the most awesome band ever. Well, except for John Lennon. Anyway, Chris Brown is pretty effing hot also.

Amanda said...

Woa, sack way to bust out the nerdiness with the Voltron reference. But I appreciate the wikipedia referral cause I had to look 'em up.

But people, are we forgetting the quintessential ugly rocker, Hello! Meatloaf

Sarah said...

I just remembered that on Friday night, my brother and I were dancing like Elaine, but it was a mock-dance of someone else. KICK ASS.

Also, my bad on the Fallout Boy reference. I got them mixed up with The All-American Rejects. Fallout Boy sucks almost as bad as DCFC, but their videos are cooler.

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