Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Sarah needs to figure out what the f*ck she's doing in this life.

Lately I have been enjoying utilizing the "Status" feature on MySpace. My status may or may not change a couple of times a day, depending on how busy I am or how "ninja" I feel. Tonight I am feeling particularly disappointed in myself and where my lot has taken me, so I made it known on MySpace. Talking with a friend today made me wonder if my problem of not knowing what I want to be when I grow up is just an issue of an unlucky few, or a generational flaw. I am grown up, but I have no real idea what the heck I want to do for the rest of my life, however long or short it may be. Or maybe I just don't have a plan.

Don't want: To work in an office ever again. To have people demean my intelligence on a daily basis. To be treated as lesser when I am better. To end up as the saddest person I know, whom I also happen to live with. To grieve anymore.

The pathetic part is my wants are so not focused. I want to write what I want to write, and get paid for it because I know I will never be fully satisfied in my life working to live as opposed to living to work. I like to listen to music, read about it, write about it, and maybe talk about it with people who aren't retarded. I want to write about my life (I put the ordinary in extraordinary, so we'll see where that goes). I need help with those things. I want love, fresh air, mountains, and to hang out with my friends and my dog. Ah, the things I like seem few and far between at times. I bitch about the same shit over and over again, but for some reason it doesn't do any good... Imagine that.

I've been composing a manifesto of sorts over the past day (since I had my keyboard replaced by one of the nerds from the movie Nerds) and have some great and thoroughly inappropriate one-liners I want to share with the world that made me wonder how - should I ever find an opportunity to publish some of the terribleness that is my private life - how could I openly be held accountable for what I write? Scathing rips on my family life, relationships and sex, the occasional illegal activity (ah, yes... use your imagination because that's probably more fun than my reality), death, friends, work, and so on and so forth. I'd become a pariah of all trades. Maybe it really is time to start posting on my other anonymous blog...

Gawd help us all if I should die before I can destroy all of my journals and the Dell's hard drive and an assortment of college notebooks I used for random thoughts after they'd served their scholarly purpose.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

My "i" Problem

Trust me, i have wanted to blog at least three or four times since my last post, but pretty much right after i clicked "Publish Post" my "i" key on my Dell's keyboard finally gave out. My huge dog inadvertently hopped on the Dell about a year and a half ago or so when i was in Dallas and popped off the "n" and "i" keys. The "n" snapped right back on, but the "i" was on a road to slow death, ending in me having a horrible callous on my right pointer finger from pushing so hard where the key used to be, and finally having to Control+V every time i need an "i". And i am far too lazy to copy and paste uppercase and lowercase because i really like to talk about myself...

Anyways, a new keyboard is in the mail, ordered from William at Dell, also known as Nacho Libre ("Chancho, when you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. It's for fun.") or Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite. i guess i was just thankful to not have an indian guy on the other line because they are hard for me to understand, and was the case when i called last week to order my keyboard (the guy's name was definitely not "Brian" like he said). So i hung up. Spanish accents i am used to. Clearly. So William/Pedro ended up not only selling me the keyboard, but also more memory for my beloved Dell. Sneaky, Pedro. Very sneaky. Tripled my cost, but whatever. Maybe someday i'll be cool and have an iPod and download music from the mystical force known as "iTunes".

More later on my indefinitely suspended move to Denver. Sometimes things seem to work out exactly the way they are supposed to, but then again, you never know. The older i get, the more i am learning to just go with the flow. i can say with great certainty that i am a spoiled person, and to have to live like i did in Dallas is just unacceptable at this juncture.

in other great news, my BFF from DC is coming to The Land of Enchantment via the a$$hole of Texas (a.k.a. El Paso) in like two weeks. i am very excited, and looking forward to drinking abnormal quantities of alcohol at inappropriate times of the day, making fun of and/or taking pictures with midgets at Quarters (a.k.a. Ziggy's, and Cheech and Chong's), spending quality time with the Pistachio in Alamogordo, maybe a Grease duet, all interspersed with sweet dance moves and viewing of Hell Date on BET. A splendid time is guaranteed for all!