Yesterday I took my three-month-old, black toy poodle to the vet for his second set of shots and a routine examination here in Ruidoso. Well, throughout the appointment he was quite squirrley, trying to escape the thermometer in his rear end, the examination of his testicles (both of which dropped, whatever that means), and exploratory video of the inside of his ears, which was displayed on a television screen for my veiwing pleasure/disgust.
The doctor asked questions about where I got him, how many puppies were in the litter, etc. I explained he was one of three male puppies, and from what the lady at the pet shop told me, he was the biggest. I guess for the three or so days between when I first saw him and when I bought him, two chihuahua puppies crawled all over him while he just chilled and was like, "Whatever, it's the 90s."
The diagnosis is this: I have a perfectly healthy, papered, alpha male toy poodle. Yes, kids, my almost-four-pound, five-to-six-inch tall puppy is an alpha male. The vet said his behavior (the squirminess, the lack of eye contact, and general "I'm the shizz" disposition) is because he was the ruler of the litter, and probably those two little bastard chihuahuas.
So listen to Sarah, the dog whisperer, because soon I will have my own syndicated column about dogs (not really)... If your doggy is an alpha, you can do three things to help establish dominance without violence:
1. Hold your puppy in your hands so its head is at eye-level with you. Make him look you in the eye. If he's an alpha, you'll have to practice for about 30 seconds three or four times a day until he'll look you in the eye.
2. Hold the puppy like a baby you're rocking in your arms, loosely grasping his two front legs, until he'll lay still.
3. Grab the puppy by the scruff on his neck (this doesn't hurt them, this is the way their mothers would carry and punish them) and gently lay him on his side, again loosely grasping the two front legs. Make him lay still for about 30 seconds.
So now I must establish my dominance with my baby dog, who is such a drama queen... he howled like he was going to die yesterday when he got his shots, but was trying to eat the treats the vet gave him at the same time. It was hilarious.
*The picture is a product of a Google image search for "alpha male." I think it's an album cover...
Last night as I was cleaning up at work, I noticed a strange phenomenon: Despite the non-lack of ashtrays in the bar, there are ashes everywhere. Smokers, how does this happen? My only guess is that you flick the end of your cigarette into the ashtray instead of tapping the ashes off the end. Maybe you all can enlighten me.
Tonight was my first night bartending at the Coyote Cantina and I have alreday seen too much. I was only there for about six hours, made decent tips, and was sent home early since it was so slow. Yesssss.
Ok, so you might think I'm joking, but the lady at left is wearing the "uniform" I will be wearing when I work at Coyote Cantina in the martini bar. I'm probably going to fashion my hair into some sort of a white girl afro, too, to complete the ensemble.
I always feel guilty when I blog on Eve and Wheels about things in my own life - things non-related to college and binge drinking, and things that make sense to only a few people who may be reading Eve and Wheels waiting for something to relate to... anything.
