Monday, June 25, 2007

"The" Trend

I found out a couple of days ago that Tony Parker of the San Antonio Spurs is a hip hop star in France and this bothers me. His video was on IMF and it was like a train wreck in a foreign tongue. Apparently he was raised in France and is undoubtedly rapping about their new president, the Eiffel Tower, and rims/grills. Granted, I can’t understand a word of it except for when he says, “Tony P.” and the text message his lady, Eva Longoria (who cameos in the video), sends him on his phone. Anyways, I keep hearing hip hop is dead, but I think Tony P. can single-handedly resurrect it. That is if he can cross over to the English language and try not to mirror the musical careers of other bi-talented stars like Shaq and Bruce Willis.

Other than T.P., I just want to give fair warning about emerging bands with names that start with “The”. Now historically it seems that more of these that bands broke through in the 60s, had a noun following “The”, and are visionary rock n’ roll mavericks. I just have this lingering suspicion that these new bands failed to come up with a decent name and felt like “The” (placed before whatever they could manifest over a bowl and some Arbor Mist) gave them a nonexistent edge (read: Manolo’s Shoe Blog). The only way I could accept their grammatical blasphemy is a band member with an advanced degree, and as far as I know there aren’t any Rivers Cuomos or MENSA members in those bands.

Beware The Almost, The Higher, The Used (who used to be cool…), The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, The Nickelback, and any other new band that looks like they have a preteen who abuses flat irons and straightening serum as a lead singer (or the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz… Chad Kroeger!). Fear not The Bravery, for their music rocks and might make your face melt. The National, The Fratellis, and The Kooks have yet to offend me with visuals or horrible music (I actually like all three bands), but it’s sort of like, “The National what? The National Mattress Sales Event?” And yes, I did refer to these bands as “emerging” although they may have been together since they were like 12 or 13 years old. Which was like last year.

Moving on, you may or may not have gathered that I am back at the French restaurant I have been employed by off and on for like the past three and a half years. It’s probably the most fun job I have ever had, and even when it’s slow I make more money than I have at any job I have ever held. Ever. So I can’t complain when I owed two grand to the apartment complex at which I broke my lease last month. I expect by the end of the summer, not only will I have had that paid off for a month or two, but will have a couple of new leather best friends from Coach and a zero balance on all of my credit cards. Glorious! How hard is it to find a “real” job I like this much and make this much money doing? I eagerly await your answers to this burning question.

I think next time I may blog about the merit of our current presidential candidates based solely on their names… It’s just too easy and abnormal to ignore.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Nickelback Sucks, Part I

So my life consists of: working, reading books, journaling, listening to alternative rock on Sirius on my television, and occasionally going out on the town (I mean village).

Work is pretty awesome. We have a chick who works only at lunch and keeps a knife in her biker boots. She also has a seemingly mentally challenged son who washed dishes one day, which brings me to our newest dishwasher… We “affectionately” refer to him as Pedro because he had hair like Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite until he shaved it all off. Like Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite. He talks to himself and our “sous chef” caught him talking to himself – no, more like having a conversation and taking the task of being the female he was talking to upon himself. In other words, he may also have multiple personality disorder and one of them is a female. I have also been delegated the task of firing the knife-wielder before Jeff gets back. So I may fall victim to work-related violence when she goes postal. Never a dull moment.

Going out is a little like going to an ugly conference. There used to be at least a few attractive people in Ruidoso. I guess they all died or moved away for fear of catching the ugly disease. Sorry, I shouldn’t make fun of these people because I know I’m not perfect, but seriously… I think global warming is more being caused by all the heat obese people conduct than pollution and the destruction of the rainforests combined.

Alt Nation 21 on Sirius is my new best friend. I can’t tell you how much I love Peter Bjorn & John (a little pissed yet intrigued that Kanye West sampled “Young Folks”), the new White Stripes song (well, you can’t be a pimp and a prostitute, too…), the synthesizers of Shiny Toy Guns and The Killers, and scary Amy Winehouse and bitchy Lily Allen. My Chemical Romance is even starting to grow on me a little. Everyone should check out The Bravery (if you haven’t already), Plain White T’s (not to be confused with Plain Brown Wrapper, a.k.a. Wet Brown Paper Sack, from Lubbock), and Cold War Kids. Yay! I still hate The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and Switchfoot, though. I also still loathe Nickelback, but luckily they never play that kanuck bullshit on this station. Boo Nickelback and all of their fans who willingly allow themselves to be exposed to mediocre music, thereby supporting the modern day equivalent to Air Supply, and creating an arena for more bands just like them. See you in hell, Chad Kroeger!!

I listen to Alt Nation when I’m off work and reading or sleeping or writing. I just finished The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. What I need to do is finish re-reading the last three Harry Potter books before the new movie and last book come out this summer and J.K. Rowling breaks my heart by ending the series. But I’m about to start The Time Traveler’s Wife, which I am told is amazing. So we shall see!

The Internet and I have all but ended our long and sordid affair as of about two months ago. I check my e-mail and MySpace about once a week if I’m lucky. And can I please tell you that not being attached to that crap is absolutely liberating? I hope we don’t get the Internet back because it will undoubtedly suck me into its electronic communication wiles. The bastard. But not blogging regularly sucks because I know how much like three people out there enjoy reading my musings. Maybe you all should tell other people about my blog and give me subject suggestions and feedback… I’m aiming for a weekly posting.

Planned highlights for the summer include Harry Potter and paying off my debt, minus my student loans. We’ll save those for my future third ex-husband, Peyton Manning, to settle when we get married in the next decade or so. My life is entirely too exciting!