Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Recent Experiences in the Big City

I've been writing about some pretty unsavory things lately, but thought I'd take a break from the heartache and write about my recent experiences in Dallas (since I apparently tricked Scott with the title of my last blog on MySpace). Funny, I was thinking about this earlier today...

To put it simply, my recent experiences include a lot of improvement upon my gaydar. I work in the Gayborhood. I work at the Gayborhood Starbucks because I have failed to land a job in Mass Comm thus far (and have turned down a couple of interviews because now I don't want a job in PR or advertising). The amusing thing is, I love working at Starbucks. Time flies, the people I work with are uber-nice, and it has good perks. It's also a lesson in downtown life, as opposed to suburbia (and I'm not-so-much feelin' the downtown vibe... the suburbs are safer and cleaner). So, for simplicity's sake, I'm just going to bullet through some of my experiences so far...

-The BPs love the Caramel Macchiatos, and sometimes the White Mochas. I don't know why, they just do.
-The homeless love Starbucks as much as the rest of us do. I learned this when I picked up a shift near Deep Ellum (Gaston & Haskell, if you're wondering).
-A corpse was discovered across the street from the store I work at, behind the Gloria's I had eaten at just days earlier.
-Dorky cops love me, and gay men love my earrings.
-To make myself more astute in the ways of human sexuality, I have been trying to differentiate between the definitions of drag queen, transvestite, transsexual, cross-dresser, etc. Like, there are some men that come into my store who are clearly trying to look like women (like he grew his hair out and got breast implants), and then there are some who are clearly just men in a BAD wig, coral lipstick, and a push-up bra to accentuate their man-boobs. I know for a fact that most gay men are not this fashion-retarded. Most of them wear nice lip gloss like the rest of us girls... So what are their classifications?
-People have become so lazy that they can't even put their own condiments in their beverages and Starbucks caters to this. Which, in reality, is pretty unsanitary. We're not required to wash our hands between duties (doodies, yes, but like from cash register to bar, no) because we never actually touch what you ingest, and then we go rip open your Splenda after taking sweaty money from the man prostitute named Troy... YUMMY. When you end up with some sort of VD and you're not sure why, try to remember to quit being a lazy f*ck and put your own sugar in your Latte.
-My content analysis of lesbians thus far tells me they have a generally cranky demeanor.
-Some people (actually a lot of people) spend upwards of $200 a month at Starbucks. It truly is an addiction like cigarettes. Or crack.
-Check out the calorie content of the tasty snacks at your local Starbucks. And if you're watching your weight, never get a scone. They have between 650-750 calories a piece.
-Plastic surgery is never a good choice. I have seen some effen freakish faces due to collagen injections, Botox, and some bad boobies at BlackFinn (but that was in Addison). If you're going to get Botox or collagen injections, do something to make it look less rubbery and creepy. You're scaring the kids! I have a feeling if we saw the celebs who've had work done in person, they'd look totally monstrous... like you could bounce a quarter off their face because it's so tight, but they wouldn't feel it because of the Botox...

Anyhoo, that's my diatribe for now. I'm sure there'll be more to come, and if you have any Starbucks-related questions, feel free to ask. I may have the answer...

Monday, December 18, 2006

What's a girl to do?

Want to know the equation for boredom? Well, I don't know exactly what formula it would come out to be (I bet my roommate could figure one out), but it comes down to having spare time, but no spare money to spend on doing stuff.

Everything I enjoy doing costs money, and therefore I really can't do anything because I just started the new job about three weeks ago and haven't had time to figure out what I can or can't spend in order to still be able to pay my bizz-ills. Usually you'd find me shopping, eating out, buying booze for a night out, driving myself to said night out, etc. Last Monday I got my tip out and spent it all by Tuesday night, having grocery shopped, put some gas in my Jeep, and gone to the Stars' game. See how quick it all goes?

Anyways, I'm being forced to lay low until my finances smooth out in a month or so. I'm trying to be frugal so I'll have the scrilla to get home and be with my family during the beginning of January because it's going to be a rough time, but there again, when I get to the Dizzle, I know I might want to go get crunk and go snowboarding with my brother in honor of Matt... all this costs money.

So what do I do with my spare time? Hmmm... well, I usually come home from work around noon, eat, check the e-mail and the MySpace, maybe chat up some kids on Gmail, go yogging, and by then it's like 4 p.m. So then I have about four hours before I "should" go to bed (I've been getting up between 4 and 5 a.m. for the past couple of weeks... time to make the doughnuts!!!). I should write, but I feel uninspired right now to blog about anything but subjects I want to keep private presently. I should read, but I have trouble concentrating on one thing at a time and I get reading ADD (Ty, I need to borrow some books!).

Sometimes I watch TV (Law & Orders: CI and SVU, The Office, My Name is Earl... are you seeing a NBC trend??? Unless I unknowingly change the channel and watch FOX all night, thinking NBC is broadcasting FOX shows for some reason... Yes, it happened last night.) and luckily Eve got me pretty much the best present ever - all three seasons of Arrested Development - so that's been on a continual loop at the Wheeler/Curtis dwelling since like Friday. It was Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for like the week before that, so thanks for saving us, Eve, from another week of watching Voldemort come back and bad acting on Emma Watson's part.

Ergo, there's only so much yogging, playing on the Internet, and watching of the television I can take. When the new year arrives, I am probably going to be in dire need of some fun times at the discoteque.

P.S. - Remember when I blogged about chinos? Well, I had to buy a pair today at Target. I've been wearing a pair of quasi-expensive dress pants to work and they're my favorite because they have tiny pinstripes, and I don't want them ruined. So now... I own black chinos/khakis. I have not purchased pants of the chino variety since 2000 and they were from Abercrombie & Fitch and have a button fly. I'm fairly certain I used to pair them with other items from A&F and Doc Marten's... I can't believe I just told you that.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Goffman: The Bane of My Existence

There are a lot of blogs I've written that I haven't posted this year. Some I deleted, some are just lying in wait, perhaps forever doomed to be a Draft. I have tons of things I've written: Journal entries, poetry (usually I hate poetry, but sometimes there is no other way to accurately convey your feelings, but with a series of abstract and descriptive incomplete sentences and thoughts), short stories, letters... what-have-you. Anyways, my point is that I censor myself. We all do. I don't care who you are.

You could be the most blatently honest Tucker Max-ish, Rush Limbaugh, Rosie O'Donnell (I just typed the first people who came to mind that say stupid and offensive things sometimes), and you're still hiding something. You can be rude, judgmental, crass, but within you lies more. You might be super-sweet, the person people name as the nicest person they know, and harbor ill feelings inside. We all censor ourselves in different situations with different people... I think this is Impression Management Theory (Amanda! Your boyfriend Erving Goffman returns to stalk us with his Social Science theories!).

I was actually chatting with my dear buddy Amanda earlier today when this all just sort of hit me... When I am around certain people, I feel compelled to act a particular way and there are few people I can just relax around and not worry about what they think about what I say or do. Around most of my friends, I feel like I have to be funny, smart, and witty. Unless I'm hearing gossip and reacting, I'm shooting the shit about whatever is going on in my (or other's) life(ves), and cracking jokes about it all to boot. I don't know why. I'm just conditioned to do so. Maybe many who do this are like so many "comedians" who josh around to cover their neurotic tendencies (thanks Joel, I had to look up the word and use it).

The number of people I can completely be myself around can be counted on two hands, I think. In fact, I could probably just name them all here and let them know they have experienced the Uncensored Sarah: the mom, the bros, Geoffrey, Josh the ex, and probably anyone who came in personal contact with me in the first two months after my brother died and witnessed firsthand my verbal diarrhea got a little Sarah Show.

I'm not mean, but I'm not overly-fake nice. I'm forgiving, I try to forget, but I will make you remember when I think you need a little kick in the shin. When I feel the need, I can say something so horrible to you that you would not believe it came out of my mouth, but I have to be provoked and cornered for this to happen. I also always assume the best about people, not the other way around (I like to think all people would never act maliciously until they do, which gets me into trouble a lot). I'm funny with or without trying, but sometimes I try harder than others. I'm very self-conscious and I never think I will be as cute, stylish, kind, flirtatious, interesting, as the other girl (I don't care who it is). I'm hard-headed and once I make up my mind to do something, I am not easily persuaded to change because I do not like to admit I am ever wrong. I try to act tough and I'm not, but I'm tougher than I internally give myself credit for. This is just the tip of the iceberg, but I have to start censoring somewhere...

I miss the people I could be myself around. No offense to anyone at all. You have probably witnessed me to a degree. Maybe I am myself entirely, but I feel like I can't cry in front of you, or that you will judge me for something I say or do. No worries. This is just the uber-censored, highly-trained-to-act-normal society we live in. Now go pretend to be yourself.