Saturday, April 15, 2006

Disturbing comments, Easter eggs

So as usual, I can't sleep and had been thinking yesterday about blogging about some weird things that have been said to me.

This past week, I had a middle-aged couple (like my parent's age) come into Coyote Cantina, order two Stoli martinis, up, with a twist (douches). The the woman says, "Do you know my son, Corey?" I said no, I didn't think so, and she says, "Well, he talks about you all the time. But mostly in his sleep."

Como what? Did I miss a joke somewhere in there? And further, what mother listens to what her son is saying in his sleep? I shook it off, but then while analyzing her comments later, I realized how completely bizarre they were. Then I started thinking, "Who the eff is named Corey besides Haim and Feldman of the famed 80s?" So I have to deduce that either Corey Haim or Corey Feldman are dreaming about me.

A while back, I was asked by the local waitress/bartender stalker, who's name starts with an "N", but I can't remember it for the life of me... Anyways, asked me to bear his children. He also asked me to go "hiking" with him, and by "hiking", I assumed he really meant take me into the forest and dismember me. He also asked another bartender if she would dress up in a cop outfit for him...

Tonight I was told that I should get an agent in Albuquerque and enter into the world of motion pictures. Apparently Albuquerque (a.k.a. The Artist Formerly Known As Steve) is the movie star mecca of the world. So if you're interested in anything to do with the entertainment industry, you need to pack your bags immediately (if not sooner) and move to TAFKAS.

I also have to say I had a BLAST decorating Easter eggs for Sunday with Jeffrey and Donica tonight... How would you like to find an egg with a "sketch" of Judas on it that says, "What would Judas do?" on it, or one with a clever face resembling Mr. Macky from South Park with the phrase, "Drugs are bad, m-kay?" on the reverse side. I don't know which one was my favorite: "Jesus got crunk at Le Bistro," or Donica's gem with a depiction of Jesus on one side that said "Before" and a picture of a ghost on the other side that said "After". The Resurrection rules. Seriously.

39 comments:

Amanda said...

Okay so what is with both of us being stalked by former child stars of the 80s/early 90s? I'm pretty sure it's Corey Feldman that's dreaming of you. He seems like he'd talk in his sleep.

Sack said...

I have to lean Haim on the sleeptalking issue. I hear that nose candy causes a reduction in nocturnal speech, and, since Feldman is believed to have done more blow, all signs point to Haim.

As TAFKAS has been declared the Hollywood of the 505, perhaps you can rendezvous with Haim and/or Feldman in order to inquire about their sleeptalking tendencies. I hear that they are both trying to get back in the movie industry, so TAFKAS is the only place for them to be.

I find it strange that your "local waitress" is a "him".

Sarah said...

I meant "stalker of waitresses and bartenders". Sorry for the confusion... :o)

My vote is with Haim as well. I saw him on E! True Hollywood Stories and he was all effed up on crack or whatever at the end. Feldman is like married and clean and not hanging out with Michael Jackson anymore, so I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Amanda said...

I still disagree - it's always the ones that seem like they have it together that turn out to be the crazies. Corey Haim may have it together on the outside but you know inside he's still overflowing with insanity and resentment of his failed Hollywood career.

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