Friday, March 16, 2007

Sun City, hangovers and stripper vans... OH MY!

I'm writing for a living now, so I haven't been feeling like blogging, although I have had some ideas. Let's just bullet through some of the happenings of late, shall we?

-I moved to El Paso for an awesome job at a weekly paper. I LOVE IT!!

-I stayed at a friend's apartment while he stayed at his parent's house for a week before I got my apartment, and I have some thoughts on guys decorating their spaces without the assistance of an interior design professional, or at least a female friend with some fashion and aesthetic sense to her being. In short, my content analysis over the years reveals that guys should never embark on interior design unless they have that special flair, should never allow their mothers to help them (unless said mother is an interior decorator, and even then you should proceed with caution), cheaper is never better. Save up for the good stuff.

-El Paso women make me look really good. I mean, I'm like fucking Gisele Bundchen compared to most of these chicks. And if you live here, you know I'm not being conceited. At all.

-I hate when radio stations play "Tainted Love" and cut off the snappy ending. You know the part that goes, "Baby, baby... where did our love goooo?" You know what I'm talking about.

-I have an idea for a funny column that includes me riding the Sun Metro for a month, but I'm afraid it would be so hilarious, my own head would explode.

-Sunsets and sunrises on mountains or mesas beat out a sunset or sunrise on building any day, any time, forever.

-I started thinking about it today, and I estimated I have spent at least 7,000 hours being hungover over the last ten years. And that's probably on the modest end...

-There is a huge difference between Hispanics and Mexican Nationals in El Paso and in Dallas.

-Being a pedestrian in El Paso is like having a contract out for your own death. I would not recommend walking here. Or driving, really. I have been passed on Mesa, driving 40 miles per hour, by people drag racing. Today it was a newer model Cadillac sedan and like a 1998 Mustang... WTF? I did, however, go for an exploratory walk the other evening and actually stopped traffic near my apartment. Granted, I was waiting to cross at a crosswalk, but there was no light. Some guy was nice enough to stop and about 15 other cars had to follow suit. It was quite touching! Thanks to that guy for being so polite.

-Riding around in the Jaguars van (Jaguars is a strip club in El Paso) is pretty fun. So is drinking Dom Perignon. And no, I am not moonlighting as a stripper... that would be scary.

-I had a Novocaine shot (actually two sets of shots) about four hours ago and my lip and chin are still numb.

4 comments:

Sack said...

I hope your plans for the metro include Big Red and/or Twinkies.

Sarah said...

I think here it would be more like Fanta and Bizcochitos...

Jaime said...

HAHA, only if it's the orange Fanta, and you have to say it with the mexican accent! Wheels, now that your closer, I guess I'm gonna have to make a road trip down there sometime so I can go have a drink with you. Especially since your moonlighting as a stripper and drinking Dom Perignon! Sweet!

Oh, and add Chiclets to your list for the metro. You can find them pretty much everywhere. And if your having trouble finding some, just walk on one of the bridges to Juarez!

Sarah said...

Jaime, there's a rumor circulating that you got hitched... is it true? Who's the lucky lady???

Come visit me soon! I know for sure I'll be in the LC the last weekend of March to get my hair cut off. Yay!