Sunday, June 04, 2006

Dumb and Dumber.

stu·pid ( P ) Pronunciation Key (stpd, sty-) adj. stu·pid·er, stu·pid·est
1. Slow to learn or understand; obtuse.
2. Tending to make poor decisions or careless mistakes.
3. Marked by a lack of intelligence or care; foolish or careless: a stupid mistake.

It has come to my attention (or rather been pointed out to me by certain individuals) that my I.Q. (high Q, or haiku) has taken a turn for the mildly retarded side after graduating about three weeks ago. I used to build sentences with words like "generalizeable", "socialization", and "academia". Now I say things like "dude", "whatever", and "mud butt" (is mud butt one word?). It's kind of like that book, Flowers for Algernon, where the guy gets really smart and then turns dumb. Except for there are no mice in my story.

I can no longer complete simple tasks like spell "warrior" correctly, or just grab one piece of paper to cover a table at the restaurant. I'll get two pieces even though I only need one. I have forgotten how to count. Currently, I employ a calculator for simple mathematical equations, although I can quickly determine, based on the price of someone's meal and the tip they left, what approximate percentage they left me.

My reading consists of Harry Potter and Cosmopolitan, while my television viewing includes cartoons like The Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama, and Spongebob Squarepants. I used to watch a lot of A&E, I think... I went to the new X-Men movie the other day and I liked it. I LIKED IT. Grad school Sarah would have never even gone to that movie.

Formerly in my possession was Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra, but I have apparently misplaced it. I wanted to read it, but now I am afraid that the ideas in the book may cause my feeble mind to implode, so I should probably just start the Harry Potter series over again and continue my quasi-intellectual conversations with Jeff and Donica about where all of the Horcruxes are located, whether or not Snape is good or evil, and who R.A.B. really is.

Amanda wanted to get her sense of humor back. I think I'm still pretty funny. I just don't wanna be dumb anymore...


Les said...

It's okay fave....everyone at work calls me the dumbest smart person. I am smart; it just doesn't always appear that way. I keep my brains as my secret weapon.

Maud said...

In highschool, Cari's brother dubbed me "Brains" the first time he called me that, I thanked him. To which he kindly responded, "No dumbass, I was kidding."

Don't fret, friend.

Sarah said...

Today I ran into a chair and nearly did a face-plant into the restaurant floor. Now I wait for the bruises to surface...

I also miscounted my bank at work tonight and made my boss re-add everything up, when it was really just a miscount on my part.

Are you sure you guys don't want to take back your encouraging comments?

Amanda said...

Well just think of it this way, you're still smarter than several people I can think of:

1) The guy Corky who use to be on that TV Show

2) Anyone who puts liquid dish detergent in their dishwasher

3) Someone who accidentally gets pregnant or accidentally gets someone else pregnant

4) The actor who thought playing the diarrhea emotion on the Pepto commercial would be good for his career.

Sarah said...

At least that Corky guy managed to have a quasi-successful, albeit short, television career. What was he on? My So Called Life?

And I have put dish liquid in the dishwasher before, but in my defense I mostly did it on purpose so it would break and my apartment management would have to install a new one. It was pretty cool.

Leslee said...

I have also put detergent in my dish was crazy! The entire kitchen was filled with bubbles! I felt like I was at a foam party. My boyfriend could not stop laughing at me...i'm an idiot, but I’ve come to terms with it. You will too Sarah, just embrace the blonde moments, it makes it much easier to handle.

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